Wednesday, January 10, 2018

I should've called more

On New Year's Day, I called my dad to wish him a happy new year and also a happy birthday. I spoke to him on Christmas and he was fine, but on his birthday he sounded a little off and admitted to not feeling so well. You see, my dad's been sick for quite some time. There have been numerous hospital visits, and they seem to have become more frequent as of late. Anyway, a few hours after I spoke to him, my sister called to tell me he was being admitted into the hospital because he wasn't able to breathe properly.

As of today, he's still in the hospital. He had to be put on life support because he wasn't able to breathe on his own. He's waiting to be transferred to another hospital in a different state because that is where his medical team is and because the hospital he's at now isn't capable of handling the procedure he needs done. However, the hospital is completely full and there are no rooms available, so my dad has to continue to wait, just for a chance at getting better. To say the least, it's a bit frustrating.

Luckily, he was able to come off the ventilator, however he still needs oxygen, and is still struggling to breathe. He's far from healthy, and will never truly get there. He will need constant help with even the smallest things. However, my dad is a fighter. He's been fighting for years, and I'm so glad he's been able to pull through everything that has been thrown at him. I was able to speak to his doctor, and after that conversation, we've taken all the steps necessary for the military to fly us out of here and get us back home. Unfortunately, we aren't able to finalize our flights until we know the date my dad will be moved to the other hospital. So, we're still waiting.

Today, my sister called me via video chat from my dad's hospital room, and I saw my dad for the first time in four and a half years. It's shocking to see the change in him, but it also made my heart happy to see him sitting up. He's always tried to put on a brave face. He never wants people to know how much he's truly struggling, and always says there's probably someone out there who has it worse. But right now, I feel like that can't be true.

We were supposed to be living in the states by now, and if you've followed my updates on why we're still stuck on this island, you're aware of our situation, but it's frustrating to know I should've been there. I should've seen him already. I should be closer to home so I can help, but instead I'm thousands of miles away and completely helpless.

I'm extremely grateful that I was able to see and talk to him today, though. I was able to tell him I love him, and that I'd hopefully be there soon. He looks forward to seeing me and my family. I mean, four and a half years?! That's a long time to not see family, but with us always living so far from the states, it's hard for us to visit. We usually visit between our moves, but because of our situation now, we've been here longer than we should have been.

In this situation, it's easy to look back and have regrets. I know I should've called him more often. I should've tried harder. Our relationship hasn't always been the closest, and I've been away from home for a long time, and the time difference is awful, but I should've called more. Even if I didn't have anything to say, I should've called. I thought about him more than he'll know, and I should've called in those moments. A call doesn't have to last an hour. A call can be short and sweet, and I need to remember that.

So, I guess I leave you with this. If your parents are still around, call them more often. If you're lucky enough to be able to visit them, do that too. Don't have regrets. Don't let something happen and be able to say, I should've called more. I should've tried harder. It will only make an already heartbreaking situation worse.

As long as my parents are still here, I'll make sure to let them know I'm thinking about them and I love them. It's truly the least I could do. I don't mean for this blog to come off as a goodbye or anything like that, but I wanted to get my feelings out, and I know my dad is as tough as they come, and also stubborn as hell, so in my heart of hearts, I know he's gonna fight to stick around for as long as possible.

Keep fighting, Dad. I love you.

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